As each day gets crossed off of my calendar inching closer to baby's due date, my stomach turns and I feel a swarm of butterflies inside of me.
I'm terrified of birth this time.
I literally get a lump in my throat each and every time I think about it.
I literally get a lump in my throat each and every time I think about it.
My labor with Sienna was not exactly peachy, infact it was everything but. I specifically remember a moment where I felt like I wasn't even human anymore...heck when I look back at photos I didn't even look human. Everything around me was a spinning blur in slowmotion, a mix of complete exhaustion and crushing disappointment of not getting that "beautiful birth" experience most moms get to have. I begged anyone who assisted me to just please get her out. As I was getting wheeled into the OR for my c-section. I struggled to stay awake thinking I would pass out and never wake up.
this very photo describes the above paragraph perfectly, yes I felt as horrible as I looked.
thankfully 20 mins after this was taken I got to see my baby girl and all was right in the world again.
My anxiety does not only stem from my previous experience but also from a few other fears...
1. I will be attempting a vbac, which has its own risks...but also so do c sections so I'm afraid of both
2. the fear of something happening to me and Sienna growing up without me
3. another c section....the recovery was brutal, now throw a toddler into the mix of a csection recovery.
4. Being away from Sienna...I know this may sound silly but I'm already having a hard time thinking about being in hospital away from her for more than a day...let alone 4 (in an instance of a cs)
I just feel so uneasy.
Please pray that all goes well.
I will be praying that all goes well!!! I'm expecting my first, a girl, and am nervous as I have no clue what to expect. God will take care! :)
ReplyDeleteThinking of you! You'll get through this!
ReplyDeletePraying for you and sending good thoughts your way!!!
ReplyDeleteI will pray for you dear Joanna ..
ReplyDeleteMay God protect you for your duaghters, you will raise her until she become beautiful bride and her sister E too :D dont worry everything will be okay ❤️
Thinking of you! I had two c-sections and found the recovery for me the 2nd time easier even with a toddler but I think that's because I knew what to expect & knew what I should and shouldn't do. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteThinking of you mama, and hope you manage to find strength and peace with your birth plan. I was desperate for a VBAC for my second and at 35 weeks, my little girl decided she was coming into the world and I had another emergency c-section. Surprisingly, the second time round was a lot easier, less scary and my recovery has been great (just in 3 weeks!) All will go so well, I just know it x
ReplyDeleteI totally understand your fears, when I had my first I didn't really think much about labor because I had no idea what to expect. This time I KNOW what to expect and I'm totally freaked out! I also worry about leaving my little one at home while I'm in the hospital with the new baby. I just keep praying it all works out, which I know it will...and for you too!
ReplyDeletePraying a lot for u all. Don't worry it will be great. Hoping that you look back on this post and laugh at all the worries coz this delivery will be te perfect delivery u wanted!
ReplyDeleteDear Joanna,
ReplyDeleteevery time you get that twist in your stomach and a little anxious about this birth just breathe through it ... You are going to be JUST FINE.
Emmie is going to be perfect, just like Sienna was ... That marvelous feeling when you'll see your baby for the first time will reward you.
❤️ a big hug to you, your belly and to Sienna who stole my heart too ❤️
IG: Black_Orchidee
I hope everything will happen smoothly and easy. And remember, all around the world wonen are giving birth. It's a natural thing. I have 4 children, I did have my fears for every birth but I did it just fine. Have faith in yourself and in your body. Big hug and hold on. XXX Ireen
ReplyDeleteHello- I just found your blog and thought I should share my story to ease your nerves. I had a VBAC with my daughter after my son was delivered via section due to being breech. I got a lot of grief and looks like "why would you want to do that?" But I did my own research and like you said there are risk either way you go. I had a wonderful birth experience and everything went perfectly. I felt like I knew my body better than anyone else and that I could do it. I know there are things that can happen, but that chance is less than 1%. I also was not opposed to a c section if that was what needed to be done for mine or the baby's health. You can read my birth story here:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.rileypaulandme.blogspot.com/2013/05/katelyn-virginia-durant.html
I hope this helps! You will do great!
-Meredith
Fear is a natural instict!
ReplyDeleteHang in there sweet girl..
I will keep you in my thoughts & prayers as it comes time to leave Sienna & head to the hospital to have the new little one!