Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Learning from the past

Sometimes I get into these sentimental moods where I just feel like rummaging through my past, I dig up my plastic bins full of keepsakes from years gone by, pull up old photos on the computer of significant events and people that in one way or another had an impact on my life.

Some of these memories feel like ancient history, and some of those people are now strangers. 

As I look around the walls of my house or have a staring contest with my dog, I think about everything that got me to where I am in this exact time in my life and how everything really does happen for a reason.

I don't open up about everything on my blog simply because it would just not be appropriate for me to, but sometimes I wish I had started it years ago and made it private so I could have it to reflect. I started  last year with its purpose changing many times since then...at 1st I wanted to have a blog so my family across the country could keep up to date...then when I got pregnant I wanted it to to be a keepsake for Sienna and now I'm just doing it for me, I made a conscious decision to take small moments in, and I mean really take them in.. especially now with having a baby...moments are quickly passing before you even get a chance to truly enjoy them...and I do believe that life is all about the little things.

Anywho, what I'm trying to say through all this babble is that every experience we have in life-big or small, insignificant or important, hurtful or most amazing.. shapes who you are. 

For instance, I kissed a few frogs before I met my Prince...(that's putting it nicely)..this one one guy I dated was horrible to me, abusive & psychotic.... I regretted every memory with him and hated anything associated with him- but now looking back I realized that, that particular relationship as well as some others helped build my character...there is something about getting your heart broken that teaches you wonders...How would I ever appreciate the relationship I have with my husband if I never experienced a bad one? 

I had a long conversation with my best friend about this the other day, about the specific people and events in my life that caused me frustration and hurt. He reminded me that a  friendship is a two-way street and if its not, then it wasn't a real one to begin with. Though not every adventure is a positive one, not every friend you make is a real one..its the lesson you are left with that counts....and sometimes, getting to know someone teaches you exactly who you don't want to be...either way, it molds you and whatever the outcome of that friendship is...hopefully it makes you better not bitter.

"Sometimes, I look back and shake my head...but I also smile"

I stumbled across a photo that I didn't even know existed & should have been deleted long ago (it is now)...It reminded me that I'm flawed just like everyone else I have done things I'm not proud of hurting the people I love along the way...but just like everything else that's happened to me..it was a big eye opener. It taught me the beauty of unconditional love, dedication, forgiveness & showed me that everything I've ever wanted in life was right in front of my face, I was just too stupid to realize it at the time.

Every album saved on my computer brings back so many different memories with every click of the mouse - "Our First apartment" was one,  as I browsed through those pictures.... I remembered how happy we were to  finally have had our own place, this tiny little studio apartment in Phoenix...but it was ours and we were so proud. Though that tiny apartment had some bad memories attached with it, it was also a big stepping stone for bigger things like our 1st home. A home that we are proud to pull into the drive-way of every single day.

 This home is now a new place for us to make memories...a platform for all of Sienna's firsts...the memories of raising my sweet girl will always remain with me... some in photos, videos, and keepsakes...I know one day, years from now we'll be rummaging through them together remembering it all again.

I'm trying my very best to take in every moment, the good along with the bad...as just another piece of my own life's cake. 

1 comment:

  1. SO TRUE. I look back sometimes and shake my head, but I also smile. My ex was also a crazy abuser so I understand exactly what you mean! We have amazing husbands and we can fully appreciate them after the jerks we've been around! Xoxo


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