Saturday, May 28, 2011

An "all I want is my mom" kinda day

Now that Im ready to talk about it, Thursday was the day of my LEEP procedure - now let me just say that was the most awful thing I had to do.

Not only was it super painful but now I am horrified of the possibility of not being able to have children, the risk is small but it exist and if there is one thing that I want more than anything is to be a Mom one day.

Danny was absolutely wonderful, as he always is. He took care of me and didnt leave my side even for a second. He wanted to stay in the room with me during the whole thing, but I told him not to and I'm glad I did. The amount of blood I had to see was enough to make me wanna pass out.

 Later on that night I had a complete breakdown - This never happened to me before, I'm not a crier....but this was a combination of stress, panic, fear and the news of our house closing being moved, AGAIN.

I lost it.

I cried so bad I was shaking, poor Dan didn't know what to do...hes never seen me like that in the 5 and half years we've been together...I kept sobbing and mumbling "I'll never have babies" and all I remember is him saying " yes we will, we will have beautiful healthy babies" plus I was in pain and being the hippie that I am, I didnt wanna take any more Vicodins.

Worst day of my life...I hope this surgery is forever erased from my memory because every time I think about it I shake and cringe.

All I wanted that night was to sit with my mom, and its the one thing I hate not being able to do whenever I feel like it.

Thank goodness for the support from my friends & family

1 comment:

  1. I'm sorry you had to go through all this but see, you're having a beautiful healthy baby girl any day now


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